an ordinary momma…

She asks to make tea with me, a frequent request of hers.

  “A big girl cup, with cream and sugar, just like you, Mom.” 

 We wait in the kitchen for the tea to steep,

 watch as the leaves in the bag tint the water clay brown. 

 She giggles when I whisper that I love her, spend this time with her. 

 She offers to stir, and swirls the mixture of herbs and sweetness, pausing after a little spills over. 

 Sorry, Mom.  I should slow down.

I think that all I want is to slow down.  To just take it all in, and breathe in these moments, this perfume of life, as sweet and herby as it is.  We laze at the table, a stack of books to the side, slurping our tea, and pointing our pinkies just so.  Like a princess does.  She models my motions, and drinks when I do, watching carefully so as not to miss a beat, and I pretend not to notice her contemplate me while I read.   Instead, I am wondering what fascinates her about me.  I am an ordinary woman, with simple looks, a quick temper, and a pushy personality.  Nothing, in my eyes, worth imitating.  Nothing fancy, or glamorous, or interesting.

The mound of books gets smaller, and we read until it’s gone, all the while sipping and smiling, her following me.  Until the last drop is finished, and she runs off to play, and I am left to ponder…

I start to see, to understand, and become overwhelmed at the significance of her mimicking me.  How did I earn this right as mother?  So precious are these littles whose lives I am to shape. 

Thinking of Mary, mother to the Christ, an ordinary woman, who found favor with the Lord.  Who loved the Lord, faithfully serving  Him alone. How did she earn such an honor, to birth  The King, The Lord Redeemer, who came as person from heaven?  Just a babe, born in a barn full of filth and noise. Swaddled in scraps of cloth, his tender flesh to lay on mounds of scratchy, dirty hay. Nothing fancy, or glamorous about that either…   

And Mary said:

   “My soul glorifies the Lord
and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
for he has been mindful
   of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed,
for the Mighty One has done great things for me—
   holy is his name.

– Luke 1:46-49

Me, an ordinary woman, serving an extraordinary God. I know I am the light they see, His Holy Spirit shinning through me.  I am the one, who they will model after, until the day they can choose to model Christ.  The fascination that she holds, has to be for the Christ I show to her.  His words modeled in my actions.  Oh how I need my Lord to teach me how to do this…

Show me your ways, LORD,
   teach me your paths.
Guide me in your truth and teach me,
   for you are God my Savior,
   and my hope is in you all day long.
Remember, LORD, your great mercy and love,
   for they are from of old.
Do not remember the sins of my youth
   and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
   for you, LORD, are good. –Psalm 25:4-7

just me.  an ordinary momma.  my extraordinary God, who graciously fills in the gaps.

Linking up Women Living Well Wednesdays today.

A Meek and Quiet Spirit

MEEK:  "Mild of temper, soft, gentle,
not easily provoked or irritated."

Webster's Dictionary 1858

A kind friend lent me a little book titled, "Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit." 
Filled with a new found sense of encouragement and instruction, I prayed last night for
God to start teaching me how to have a meek and quiet spirit. 
About to begin our third year homeschooling, my mind has been busy with curriculum plans, organization, and regaining our routine.  I've been more tired, more irritable, and busier this summer than I would have liked.  Being meek or quiet really do not describe me, especially lately.

I fell asleep with this verse from Philippians 4:13 on my heart. 

"For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. "

I awoke this morning to a tap tap on my shoulder.  It was Isaac.

"Mom.  I just threw-up in my room."

I rolled over, only to notice that Elaina, who had snuck into our bed during the night,
had wet through her pull-up and onto our sheets.
Seconds later, a scream from the baby pierced through the hall,
followed by Nathaniel asking me what was for breakfast. 
My alarm rang a minute after that, beckoning me to take my morning walk.

I wanted to scream. 

I wanted to hide. 

I certainly wasn't thinking very meek or quiet thoughts.

I set myself to cleaning.  To washing.  To holding. To feeding.

Later, with my husband at the kitchen table, it occurred to me what I had done.

"It's because I prayed last night."

"What?"  he asked.

"I prayed last night for God to teach me how to have a meek and quiet spirit.  That's why."

Saul asked me if I thought God was punishing me.

No. Not punishing. Pruning.

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. ² He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes^[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. ³ You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. ⁴ Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

John 15:1-4

Pruning.  Shaping.  Guiding. 

All because I asked. 

Now I must choose. 

I can choose to have a mild temper. 

To be soft, gentle.

To be meek and quiet.

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength...