Monday, January 9, 2012

$7 and a chocolate bar


It was Christmas Eve and we’d been out running errands when we saw her. 

Nearly passed by her, and then suddenly both at the same time said Turn Around. 

A small cardboard sign that read: pregnant, with out food or heat.  anything helps.  God Bless!
 I felt  a stirring in my soul, my throat achy with tears. Help her.

I’d been fretting all month, at the small Christmas we would be having.  Unsure if we would even be able to give any gifts, I took the little bit we had, and portioned it out, all the while praying for good finds so late into the season.  I’d had a grumbling spirit, a whining attitude, and a poor mood.  I had not been grateful or appreciative of all that we did have:

A warm and beautiful home. 
A happy and healthy family. 
More food than could fill our bellies. 
A faithful God, whom we know and love and get to talk to.

As I rolled down the window, I fought back the shame I felt.  $7.00 and a chocolate bar were all I could give her.  I asked her if she had somewhere to go, thinking to myself, what if I invite her to my house?  Never brave enough to offer, and half afraid of the “what-ifs” that could follow, we drove away, and then couldn’t shake the feeling that we’d disobeyed. 

I kept hearing:
The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’  Matthew 25:40
And I knew it was true.  Because it even means, whatever you didn’t do.
Later, I asked Saul, “How come I don’t feel good?  How come after I gave her all the money I had, I don’t feel good about doing it.  How can my very soul be stirred to take action, yet be so afraid at the same time?  How come all I could think was how inviting her to our house would change our Christmas, instead of welcoming the opportunity to serve and love and show God to this fallen world?”

No answers from his lips or mine. 

No inspired thoughts filling my head. 

Just sadness and disappointment in myself.
My thoughts are in a new year though.  A perfect time for inviting change into our lives.  A call to action if you will, for our young family to start serving in more meaningful ways.  We are praying for guidance on where and how to start. 

To go and be the church.

Linking up with On My Heart Tuesday.    


Anonymous said...

Wow. What an inspiring story. Thank you for sharing that with us.

I have been feeling guilty too - I wonder if that is what this anxiety is...hmmmm - we had planned to have a low-key Christmas and have the girls pick charities to donate to...well, we kept it lowkey but we discovered that we need a new roof and rather than donate to charities, we held on to the money thinking we needed it for the roof...maybe we need to get out those lists of charities again and have the girls pick :-)

Carolyn Counterman said...

Yes. This is what I came for. Glad that SDG links us all up. :)

Jen said...

I love that you have chosen not to sit in the guilt, but rather to let the guilt motivate you in doing something more for Him.